“I remembered that the real world was wide,
and that a varied field of hopes and fears,
of sensations and excitements, awaited those who
had courage to go forth into its expanse…”
By Charlotte Bronte

When I read this quote I immediately connected to what it is saying and wanted to share it with all of you.  It also prompted me to remember the first year following my divorce when I was experiencing some tough battles with my son.  He was driving age at the time and I was so worried about where he was going and what he was doing.  Before he would leave I would frantically remind him about driving safely – do this, don’t do that.  When he pulled away one night I realized he isn’t hearing me when I do those last one minute lectures.  My son’s thoughts were on the “fun” he was about to experience and my words were just sounds.

When I went back into the house, I turned to shut the door with tears (sad tears, fearful tears, … tears) and I looked up at the clear dark night – it was so big and so dark.  A feeling pulled me back onto the porch and I started talking to God, to my Comforter and my Strength.  Lord, I don’t know how to protect him (my son) and I don’t know how to reach him, I am so afraid.

It was one of those moments when we sense God speaking directly to us with those audible yet inaudible words.  Still gazing at the vastly huge sky this is what I understood, “Sandra you have to do your part and I will do mine.  I first loved him and still love him.  Give him to me.  You can’t control everything – you have to cover him in your prayers, you must parent him, you must love him.  You can’t protect him from everything.” 

Well, I don’t know if you have ever had moments like this, the tears were no longer streaming but were now pouring.  It is so hard to let go and let God with the people we love (and even sometimes the people who have wounded us) and honestly place them into God’s hands.  We want to hold on to them so tightly as if they belonged to us first.  That night I had to be reminded that my son was His first, just like everything else in my life – they all first belong to Him.

This life can be so big and overwhelming.  There are no guarantees or assurances on how each day will unfold, but what I do know for sure is:

•   There will be hurt and pain.

•   There will be new dreams.

•   There will be blessings.

But we must have the courage to let go and let God.  To live is to be full of hopes and fears – that is life.  I don’t know about you, but divorce – the fears of all the unknowns and the heartaches won’t rob me of living my life.  Even when I don’t understand things I remember I trust and know the One who does.

 My prayer for us all is to set our sights on what God is up to in our lives, hear what He is trying to tell us, learn what we can from our experiences and move forward with hope and confidence into the days awaiting us to live.

 Jeremiah 29:11 tells us, “For I know the plans I have for you, “declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.”

 Side note:  My son is fourteen years older now and it certainly hasn’t been smooth sailing.  There have been many sleepless nights and long days, but I am his mother and “us” moms received some ‘gift’ of worrying for our children.  However, I haven’t forgotten that God loves Him and each day since that night I have reminded myself to daily giving back to His Father – the only One who can really know and see all.

Letting Go – Letting God