“I wish I could write a really lovely story of a girl who grew up, got married, had a beautiful wedding, the marriage that followed was wonderful with few issues, the children born of that marriage are almost perfect and the family lived happily ever-after.  But I can’t – that is someone else’s story – not mine.  I did get married but it was unhealthy and broken before the wedding and it didn’t mend itself through all the fighting and threats.  Unfortunately, two boys were born into that marriage and had to experience their parent’s divorce.  Believing my ex-husband had most of the problems I wasted little time believing I was ready for marriage #2 and so along came the lucky man.  Without healing from childhood wounds and traumas, piling on my first marriage wounds – I was not prepared for blended family and another marriage.  But I said, “I do” once again.  Blended family was hard (really, really hard), remarriage was also really hard and yet we welcomed a beautiful baby girl.  That sweet little girl also experienced her parents going through a divorce and the boys experienced their 2^nd family divorce.  Divorce is not only one chapter of my life story but two chapters.  During this whole time I was leading a women’s ministry, praying, and pretending we were a “perfect” family while we were bleeding to death from little pin holes and big slashes of destructiveness caused in unhealthy marriages.  I became really artful at putting on masks to cover up the “real” me.  I had so much shame, guilt, regret and feelings of being a total failure.  I asked myself over and over how I could put my children through divorce, how could I make it financially, emotionally and spiritually through another divorce, how could I be a single-parent to 3 children, how could God ever forgive me and many other “how coulds” to which I had very few answers.  I came to the end of all my self-sabotaging coping mechanisms and was left with the raw and broken woman I was.  I prayed for guidance, sought healing and began putting one-step in front of the other on a journey I wasn’t even sure I knew I was on. 

That has been many, many years ago now. I can say that those years weren’t peaceful, they hurt (by the way, I tell people I earned my Ph.D. in pain, hurt and disappointment).  At the same time I had a lot of encouragement, guidance and wisdom on my divorce journey and I believe those people along my path all helped lead me to the field I have invested in working and journeying with others in for over 17 years now.   I recognize the path you are travelling and I know first-hand how invaluable healthy resources were that I had received.

Today, I enjoy spending time with my 3 adult children and my son-in-law, reading, traveling and skiing.  I am always on the lookout for the next piece of furniture to be adopted and made part of my home (or a surprise new addition at one of my kid’s homes).  I live a life of gratitude (and not just for the good parts of my life but all of my life – the broken, messy, winding roads have all lead me to where I am today) for the privilege and honor of working with individuals and families and seeing them choose to embrace a better and healthier divorce and new beginning with hope a and confidence.  You two, can Emerge Victorious!

I look forward to connecting with you.”

~Sandra Lee